We all have days when we're down in the dumps.
But have you ever noticed some people seem to really like being there?
If you've experienced this weird attachment yourself, I'm with you.
I've spent a LOT of time in the damp, gloomy forest!
Many people are surprised to hear this because they know I love to frolic in the sunny meadow.
(And truthfully, this is my core essential self, which is why I'm such a delight to be with.)
Until my inner Eeyore shows up.
Funny how nobody wants to be around THAT moody, complaining, thumb-sucking part.
This used to hurt my feelings, plunging me deeper into self-pity.
Nobody understands.
Everyone else has it easier.
Life is so hard and unfair.
This is the victim-mindset, love. And it's a tricky one to get out of because there's a nugget of truth in its narrative.
It's HARD to be human! But if we're not careful, the mind will amplify our hardships until they're the only thing we can see and feel.
(Which quite literally blocks out all the joys and wonders of life.)
Looking back, I can see how my downer attitude repelled people, giving me false evidence that supported (and strengthened) my feelings of disconnection.
Nobody cares
I'm all alone
Instead of addressing this disconnection (and taking responsibility for the energy I was putting out into the world), I blamed others for pulling away.
My story of loneliness and abandonment became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I now know that people weren't moving away from ME. They were moving away from the painbody that had taken me over.
Do you know about the pain body? Eckhart Tolle defines it as an energy entity consisting of old emotion and accumulated pain.
Which sounds exactly like the region in Survivor Brain where unhappy memories are stored.
Crazy thing, but this part of your mind focuses on (and relives) negative experiences in an attempt to keep us safe.
It saves up all the scary things, the unfair things, the sad things—all our failures, all the times we were completely helpless as children—and puts them in a treasured place so it will never forget.
This treasured place of negative memory is the gloomy forest in your mind.
And the more you visit it, the stronger its neural pathways become.
If you had a difficult childhood, experienced trauma, or are highly sensitive, your forest trail is probably well-worn, familiar, and easy to follow.
Which means you're probably in the doldrums more often than others. If that's the case, please don't fault yourself!
This work isn't about shaming or blaming. It's about HEALING. And we can't do that until we understand what's going on inside our brains and our bodies.
Nonjudgmental noticing is the essential first step!
As I observed myself, I had to admit I was drawn to the miserable weather, the boggy terrain, the thistles, the nonstop grey.
Something about the forest was strangely comforting. Like a heartbeat, or memory of home.
That's when it clicked.
My mind had mixed things up! And no wonder. I spent a lot of time in those sad woods when I was a kid. Back then, there was no other safe place to go to for compassion and care.
It was Eeyore I turned to. It was Eeyore who felt sorry for me.
And sure, that was a poor substitute for the care and attention I needed, but it got me to adulthood. Even though it robbed me of joy and connection, it was a habit I couldn't abandon.
Until it dawned on me . . .
It wasn't self-pity I wanted. It was LOVE.
And I knew for sure I wouldn't find it in the gloomy forest. You probably know this too.
All our opportunities for healthy connection are in the sunny meadow.
So if you're chronically complaining, or perpetually glum, or habitually repelling joy, love and connection—your inner Eeyore needs help.
Please don't leave that sweet little donkey alone in the forest.
Stand in the truth of who you are (a healthy adult who has choice) and lovingly, carefully, guide Eeyore OUT.
Sending you so much love,
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