The breaking started with my back right molar.
I was cozied up on the sofa with Sir James, watching movies and munching on snacks, when I felt something give.
One minute I’m enjoying a nice olive tapenade—the next minute, a mouthful of gravel.
“I just ate part of my tooth!”
“Uh oh,” James said. “That’s not good.
But, here’s the funny thing about “not good."
It all depends on your personal perspective.
Because my dentist was delighted.
“You’ll need a crown,” she told me, her eyes twinkling above me. “And a couple of fillings.”
I sighed and booked the required appointments—reminding myself that money needs to flow in order to keep the whole economic system healthy and that the x-rays and fillings and final crown would stream well-being toward a long chain of people.
like the young dental assistant who's still saving for her wedding
and the receptionist who supports two children on her own
and the good people at the dental lab
and the technicians who run the milling machines at the factory
and the trucker who drives the truck that ships the plaster and ceramic powder
and the waitress who serves that trucker, who now has money to buy that breakfast special with the extra stack of pancakes. . .
All in all, the breaking of my tooth was a very good thing and I drove home, feeling abundant and open.
And found an unexpected cheque in my mailbox for $500.00
That’s the way Life works, you know (at least, when we let it) and I have a feeling you know exactly what I mean.
So when my next appointment rolled around, I ran out the door with great expectations.
Only to discover . . . No Gigi!
(For those of you who don’t know me yet, Gigi is the name of my car)
I walked to the other side of the house. Was I losing my mind? Did I forget and park her at the front?
Someone had whisked her away in the middle of the night.
My darling girl had been STOLEN.
I went inside and called the police. Then I cancelled my appointments, so I could sit with what had just happened.
Because, girlfriend. I know when the Universe is calling my name!
I’ve had things taken away from me before.
Enough times to finally understand that the things I think I own (including people) aren’t really mine and that Life often guides me by closing doors, or turning off valves, or taking things away.
And here's the really juicy part.
The "taking-away" is never a punishment—just re-direction to some greater or more aligned place.
When I got that, I got everything! Because there’s nothing more thrilling than dancing in the arms of Life and letting it lead.
The message regarding my car seemed obvious.
Just trust me.
So, after allowing myself to have a really good cry, (Gigi and I have been through a lot together,) I let her go, sent love to the person who took her, and then went about my business.
The next day I received a call from a car rental agency.
“We’ve got a brand new SUV here for you whenever you’re ready.”
I called my insurance agent and she confirmed that yes; the rental was covered until the police found my car.
Three weeks went by, but I barely noticed.
Dancing with Life is FUN when you follow your partner!
Resisting just ruins the flow of the waltz. Then all you've got is a sweaty, awkward, wrestling match on your hands.
I decided to write this down for a blog.
And POOF! My beautiful iMac (and the hub of my coaching business) died right in front of my eyes.
Lights out. Game over.
I exhaled slowly.
“Okay, Life,” I said, “I trust you.”
Another week went by.
My Insurance company called. The police still hadn’t found my car and they wanted to settle. My heart sank. Gigi wasn’t exactly new. I could hardly expect to do much with the payout.
And yet . . . when the numbers came in, it was more than double what I had expected.
Enough to put toward a new car and a computer.
I went out car shopping and fell in love.
“Congratulations,“ James said, when we took it out for a test drive. “You found your new car.”
Do you see how it works, my sweet? All it takes is a little bit of trust!
Except . . . trust doesn’t have a secret agenda about outcome.
It just lets go.
Which is important to note. Because on the very day I was to pick up my cheque, I got a phone call from an RCMP officer.
“Good news,” he said. “We found your vehicle”
Good news? REALLY?
I had already made other plans, sure of where Life was headed.
I felt a swell of disappointment, then tried to look on the bright side.
At least I wouldn’t have to make car payments now.
But inside I felt tricked.
I called the car dealership and told them I wouldn’t be buying the car and then went into the bathroom and ran a bath.
Fuck this "letting Life lead" bullshit!
I stripped down and reached for my glasses.
And the left arm snapped off.
I stared at my naked-self in the mirror. My naked-self stared back.
Then we both started to cry.
“Okay,” I said, grabbing a Kleenex. “I’m listening, I’m listening."
That's when I saw a word etched into the inside of the arm of my now useless glasses.
I’ve had too many magical things happen in my life to dismiss this type of communication as coincidence.
The Universe has used a pair of broken glasses before to send a message and I knew the minute I saw this word that I needed to pay attention.
The next morning I sat with my journal
and wrote out some questions.
Why all the breaking?
Why was Gigi found after I'd already set my heart on another car?
Why was my attention drawn to a pair of glasses that had her name etched into them?
Why did the arm snap like that, making my glasses useless?
And that's when I got it.
I'm not supposed to be using my physical eyes!
The kind of vision that my glasses help improve was actually holding me back.
Life was trying to get me to look through the eyes of the Divine so I could see everything as it truly is—whole, perfect, and always evolving to something better and more.
The breaking wasn't a test of my faith, it was a prompting to GROW.
And I know you get this!
An egg breaks to give life, whether to the emerging chick—or to offer its yolk and white to nourish other animals. Mountains break down into sand which is used to create glass and concrete and computer chips.
It all breaks. Again and again and again. The old, giving way to the new.
Did I want to continue my coaching from behind a big computer screen, or did I want to engage more in my own community?
Did I want to keep Gigi for sentimental reasons from my past or was I ready to allow something new (and better) into my life right now?
The answer to both these questions was clear.
I got up and called the dealership.
And later, when I picked up my new car (his name is Rueben) I felt a great surge of joy.
"Thank-you," I said to the Universe, "Thank-you for helping me SEE."
So, my darling friend, if everything seems to be breaking around you, a word of advice.
TAKE OFF YOUR GLASSES.
Stop looking at your situation with your own physical eyes, and try looking at it through the Divine’s.
I think you’ll see the same thing that I did.
It's not really broken at all.
Sending you so much love,