I used to be like a scrappy little dog when it came to making things happen.
Surrender my goals?
Ha! Just TRY taking that juicy steak away from me.
I'm a DOER, love.
ACTION is a big part of my identity.
When an exciting idea presents itself, my brain sinks it's teeth in and that's it—nothing can pull it off.
People have praised me for this quality, but the truth is, it hasn't always served me well.
Having a bulldog mentality isn't an asset if it keeps you attached to the wrong thing.
When tenacity is misused by an untrained mind, it will bite and LOCK without truly knowing what's in it's best interest.
I learned this the hard way.
As a natural-born DOER, I'd get all revved up with wild currents of energy. I'd feel unstoppable, powerful, hooked up to a holy fuel.
Over time, the constant rush of adrenaline made me believe that I was the one making things happen.
It certainly seemed that way at the time. Because all my DOING paid off with results. And yet, without the grounding force of awareness, I'd often be overpowered by my own creation, trampled down and dragged behind in it's wake.
Even when Life showed me it was time to release, my mind wouldn't, couldn't, let go.
This isn't a virtue, my friend. It's a problem.
We're all meant to evolve and grow—not just intellectually, but at a deeper level of understanding.
If I couldn't move beyond the old model of EFFORT, I knew I'd never be able to fully partner with the mystery and wonder of Life.
This scared me.
I longed to align with the higher realms of CO-OPERATION and FLOW.
I'd been to that place. I had direct experience with the those invisible helping hands. I'd felt the peace, the support, the ease, the synchronicities . . .
But then a shiny object would come along and I'd attach—then fight like hell when the wisdom of Life tried to direct me elsewhere.
Would I ever be able to completely relinquish my illusion of control?
The answer (from my mind) was no.
Still, a steady guidance kept nudging.
Breathe. Come back to the present. Be here now. Just stop and let go.
In the beginning, this was excruciating.
I found I’d rather clean toilets or scoop shit out of the cat litter. I wanted to keep MOVING and DOING. ALL THE TIME.
Letting go seemed like giving up.
Quitter! Lazy-Ass! Loser!
Over time, I had to admit that my compulsion to DO wasn't as noble as "keeping my commitments". It was an avoidance to feeling my pain.
Many of us DO in order to accomplish all the things we think will prove our worth to others.
I discovered that letting go wasn't about tossing my to-do list, it was about healing my need for approval and returning to the knowledge that I am enough.
As I began to practice acceptance of myself (and everything that showed up in my life) I felt a shift.
I realized that I could be STILL while STILL MOVING.
But when it came to acceptance, I was making a crucial mistake.
I used to think that "accepting the present moment" meant accepting all the terrible things my mind was imposing onto the present moment.
Most of us do this, actually. We think we need to accept a version of the following:
I need to accept in this moment that my life sucks.
I need to accept that I’m a failure and always will be.
I need to accept that everything’s gone and no one loves me.
I need to accept that I’m poor.
I need to accept that I'm old.
I need to accept that I'm ugly.
I need to accept that I'm broke.
I need to accept that I'm a disappointment to my kids.
Are you laughing yet? We see our circumstances in a biased way and then call it the present moment!
Eckhart Tolle was the one who pointed this out for me.
He taught me that the NOW has nothing to do with my limited beliefs or my story.
When you really connect with the present moment, you'll connect with an entire energy field—a field of stillness and infinite possibility.
You'll connect with sound and sight and touch and taste and VIBRANCY.
You'll feel the air and smell the depth, the richness of the full spectrum of life—the flowers and the fertilizer.
You'll connect to both the sensory experience of being here on planet earth and the simplicity of just BEING.
As you do, you'll start to become aware of a greater dimension. An aliveness. An energy.
You'll connect to the essence of yourself. The magic. The spark. The primordial pulse. As well as the never-ending network of support that's here for us all.
Surrender to THIS. Accept only this.
That's how you'll be able to let go of all the doing, the trying, the pulling and pushing.
Accepting "what is" means accepting the truth that you're not separate or alone or helpless.
No, you don't have to accept shitty circumstances, but you must stop FIGHTING AGAINST them. Just heal the story. And the circumstances will change.
If you find yourself struggling, it could be because you've confused your story with reality.
So . . .
HOW do you get present? HOW do you surrender?
There are a thousand ways, my love.
And each one will lead you right to your own front door.
Presence is your home. And when you're there you'll be able to see right through the false nature of "what is" and connect with the truth of WHAT (really) IS.
And WHAT (really) IS, is so very good.
Sending you so much love,