The Sneaky Ways We Try To Find Safety

Kelli Younglove
Feb 1
2 min read

I've been paying close attention to all the ways I seek safety. And I'm being particularly mindful of my inner rescuer who wants to save the world.

As altruistic and well-intentioned as this part seems to be (I just want to help!) it's actually a stress response.

To be clear, I'm not talking about healthy helping. I'm talking about an automatic reaction that's fueled by anxiety or fear.

Maybe you can relate? Maybe you've got a part that's always rushing to fix and solve everyone's problems?

If so, have you made the connection between that behaviour and the frightened part within that's been activated by outer uncertainty or chaos?

Have you recognized it as a coping mechanism?

If you haven't, don't feel bad. There are nuances to the body's defense system that are easy to miss.

The fight response doesn't always show up as yelling or arguing. It often shows up as need to control everything around us. And this need can express itself in seemingly innocent ways.

My intense desire to "save" the world isn't benevolence. It's a survival strategy.

If they would just learn about either/or thinking.
If they would just learn about boundaries.
If they would just heal their own trauma and stop acting out their pain.

Then I'd be safe.

Do you see what's happening here? My little rescuer wants to change the world so I can feel better.

This is what we do when we're scared or facing the unknown. We want familiarity. Predictability. Sameness.

And if we're not careful, we'll use force to create it. Which always keeps us from our personal power.

Controlling measures don't flow from the true self. They're a neurobiological reaction to insecurity.

The peace and safety we seek comes from our connection to the light at our center, from our engagement with deeper awareness, from our relationship with our wisest, highest self.

Our anxious parts need US to release them from the memories of past trauma, pain and fear, and return them to wholeness. That's our business. Everything else can be put into the hands of divine order—or what Byron Katie calls "God's Business".

I want to be in service of THIS.

When I'm tending to my inner work, when I'm aligned with (and trusting in), the wholeness and goodness of life, the orchestration can use me in ways that will be truly helpful.

I'm not interested in armwrestling anyone into mental health or wellness. I don't want to stand on a soapbox yelling, trying to convince anyone of anything. Fear does that. Fear stands and yells.

Wisdom puts out an invitation and opens a space where healing can occur. That's the work that I'm here for. And I know you're here for it too.

So let's keep tending to our inner gardens—creating and maintaining healthy boundaries, healing emotional pain, and correcting mind-mistakes or false narratives, so we can be the change we wish to see in the world.

There are many ways we seek safety (without consciously realizing it) that don't actually provide it. If you've been feeling activated or off-course, it's likely an inner-part (or protective strategy) is trying to get your attention.

And a designated coaching session might be just the thing you need.

Sending you so much love,