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We've Been Doing It Backwards

Did you ever want something so badly that your whole body ached for it? Maybe you saw a couple on the street, cozied up to each other, holding hands.

And it hurt so much you had to look away. Or maybe it’s not that.

Maybe you want a baby. Or a sparkling new career where you actually like what you do. Well let me tell you something . . .

You’re not going to get what you want by talking about what you don’t have.

I know, I know. It’s tricky. But you’ve got to pull your focus away from what you DON'T want and start focusing on what you DO want. When you can imagine the opposite of what’s causing your discomfort—when you can taste it, smell it and FEEL the solution, even when it’s not there—things will start shifting around you.

Because feeling states create circumstances, not the other way around!

When you feel love, you'll bring love into your life. When you feel abundant, you'll bring abundance into your life. When you feel relaxed and unrushed, you'll bring ease and flow into your life. We’ve been doing it backwards. We’ve been trying to manipulate our circumstances in order to feel good. We’ve been grasping at things—thinking the object (or person) will make us happy. But we’ve got to get happy first. That’s when everything comes. The baby won’t make you feel whole and happy until you already feel whole and happy. The man won’t make you feel loved and safe until you’ve found safety in your own sense of love. The job won’t make you feel grown up and secure until you connect with the security that comes from trusting yourself. Do you see what I’m saying? This is an inside job! Circumstances do not create feeling states. Our thoughts about our circumstances do! So let's stop allowing the current reality of "the economy" or "our love life" or our "job status" to dictate the way we feel and behave. That's giving our power away. Instead, let's try something different. Let's guide our thoughts to a better feeling state NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES. Of course it’s not easy! I hear you, sister! I need help with this too. That’s why I’m writing about it. Because the more we share our stories, the more courage we feel when experimenting with this new kind of thinking. Claire Zammit, one of the creators of Feminine Power, talks about how much she wanted to be married and have a family. But at that time in her life, she could only identify with being single and lonely. The more she longed for a husband and child, the deeper she dug herself into her reality of aloneness. She began to realize that nothing would change until she started to feel like a wife and mother. So she began to align herself with the new identify she would need for the future she wanted. She rented a much larger apartment than she had been living in—one that was big enough for two people. She started staying over at one of her married friend’s place so she could get a FEEL for what is was like to be a part of a family. She surrounded herself with the reality she wanted—even going so far to drive around with a baby car seat in the back of her car.

But most importantly, she did the inner work to become a woman who could be a part of a healthy love relationship.

She allowed herself to feel whole and loved and a part of something greater than just herself. Once she got to the feeling place of THAT, guess what! She met the man who is now her husband and not long after, they had a child. It’s a great story. But stories are useless if they can’t be applied to our own lives. We’ve got to get some skin in the game and try this out for ourselves. So here’s the Formula:

  1. Identify something you want.


  3. Concentrate on how you would feel if you already had your hearts desire

  4. Milk that feeling for all its worth! Bask in it like it's your job!

You don’t have to lie. Just start catching yourself anytime you are tempted to talk about lack. Do the INNER work to align with your new identity. That's the secret ingredient. And here's the bonus of feeling successful before you actually have what you dream of . . . You’ll feel GOOD in the meantime. And isn’t that what we all REALLY want? Just to feel good? Life’s short, my darling. The more choices we make in the present moment that make us feel light and open and peaceful and happy, the more we align with our heart's true desires. We've got to find the feeling place of what we're looking for! So let’s work on our inner development so we can have the essence of the futures we long for RIGHT NOW. Sending you so much love,


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