A lot of times it feels like we just need to vent to a friend.
The client didn’t pay.
The kids are acting up.
The guy who promised he’d call didn’t call.
We meet with a buddy for drinks to get it all off our chest.
And it helps, doesn’t it?
We feel better when we tell a friend what’s really bugging us deep down inside.
Sometimes, just saying it out-loud brings relief . . .
And I'm all for that.
But here’s the thing about venting:
It can strengthen an old story that needs to be cleared.
Talking about your stress might let off some steam in the moment, but it can distract you from solving the deeper problem.
You can complain about your kids for another twenty years—but that's just the TOPIC, sweet-pea. The ISSUE is something else entirely.
I’m really feeling scared and vulnerable.
I’m afraid I’m a shitty mother.
Deep down, I feel I’ve made a mess of my life.
I'm worried I won't be loved and will end up alone.
THIS is what often gets missed in a venting session.
And it's the very thing that tapping addresses.
If you’re wondering what I’m talking about, here's a quick introduction:
Tapping (also known as Emotional Freedom Technique) is an exercise where you tap on the energy meridians of your body while talking about the truth of your emotions—especially the stressful and upsetting ones.
This gets the mind to team up with the body, which makes for a powerful duo.
You know how a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is a combination of chocolate and peanut butter?
Well, Tapping is a combination of Ancient Chinese Medicine and Modern Psychology (think acupuncture without the needles).
Not only is it an intelligent, effective way to calm the stress centre (oh hey, Amygdala!) this technique also retrains the Limbic System so that your brain will re-file old, painful memories as "no longer threatening".
You really CAN change your brain!
But if all you do is complain about the things (or people) who trigger you? Well, then all you do is REINFORCE the negative story.
Tapping, on the other hand, is a tool you can use to dissolve it.
Here's why it's so effective:
Every Tapping session starts with a set-up statement that allows you to acknowledge how you REALLY feel while rooting yourself firmly in the realm of self-love and acceptance.
"Even though I'm really angry and frustrated with my kids, I love and accept myself completely."
"Even though I feel like a shitty mom who never gets it right, I love and accept myself completely."
This blend of raw honesty and self-kindness is a powerful antidote for inner emotional pain.
Stuffing it down, pushing through, or slapping a happy face over top, always, always hurts.
This is why venting is often our default mode. If we don't have an alternative, it can be the only way to find some relief. But if you're not careful, venting can keep you stuck in the past.
This always happens to me
I'm not good enough
No one will ever understand
Tapping allows you to talk about old issues while staying connected to the present moment (the physical aspect of tapping keeps you grounded in your body—which is always in the here and now).
This is a REALLY big deal!
Being present with your emotional pain can actually rewire your nervous system.
That's worth the price of admission, my lovely.
If you'd like to learn more, I highly recommend Nick Ortner's book on the subject, The Tapping Solution.
I also love the work of Brad Yates and encourage you to check out his Youtube Channel. (Just click on his name above.)
And if you're one of my clients and we haven't tapped yet? Don't worry. The right moment will present itself, I'm certain.
But please don't think that you have to wait for a coaching session!
You can start tapping all on your own.
Once you learn this technique and become comfortable with it, you can do it anywhere and at any time.
This gives you more options when it comes to dealing with all the BIG emotions.
Whoops. Are the kids pushing all your buttons and triggering old, negative patterns again?
Hmmmm. Maybe you don't need to vent.
Maybe you need to TAP.
Sending you so much love,
PS. If you'd like to give Tapping a try but prefer guidance over a DIY experience, just book a single session with me so we can customize the process and getting tapping! I think you'll love it as much as I do.