It's time to embrace your Inner Church Lady.
You know what I mean.
I'm talking about the part of you that shushes others when they're having too much fun.
The part that gets the bitter lemon-face when the music gets too loud.
You've done a little finger-wagging from time to time.
We all have.
Because somewhere along the way, we were taught that our happiness was dependant upon on the behaviour and
actions of others.
Which means things are only peachy-keen when people do what we want.
And when they don't?
Ooooooh. That's when our blue skies turn ugly and grey!
Which is why we try to control others—manipulating them to do things that fit OUR agenda.
But have you ever noticed how that makes you feel?
It’s kind of horrible, isn’t it?
Believe me, I know!
I’ve witnessed my own Inner Church Lady come out at dinner parties. I’ve seen her give the stink eye to my sweetheart when he reaches for another glass of wine.
I’ve seen her get all twisted up over a friend's choice in men.
Or rant about the way some people raise their kids.
And guess what.
It never made me happy.
Because self-righteousness is actually a form of self-abuse. It pinches us up, restricting the flow of love and openness in our body.
Simply put, it doesn't feel good.
And that smug "Holier Than Thou" feeling is the first alarm bell you need to listen to.
Think of it as your body's code for YOU’RE IN SOMEBODY ELSE’S BUSINESS.
(I've been painfully aware of this ever since I started doing the work of Byron Katie)
According to her, there are only three kinds of business. Ever.
And God’s (Feel free to substitute whatever name or term you want here)
Every time we judge others (or worry about them, or try to control the uncontrollable) we're out of our business.
Which means we've abandoned ourselves and lost touch with our only point of power.
Because the only change we can create in this world is the change we create in ourselves.
WE are responsible for our own backyard.
Our interpretation of events
Our integrity of spirit
THAT'S our business.
Every time we think we know what’s best for someone else, we're wrong.
I don't care what your Inner Church Lady says!
She may act all superior but at the root of her sweater-clutching hysteria, is FEAR.
And you don't want to be leading your life from that side of the tracks, my friend.
Fear turns us into Control Freaks.
Which keep us from everything truly good in ourselves.
Control Freaks don’t respect the boundaries of others.
They try to change people through force instead of using the power of their example.
They don't trust their spouse (their children, their friends, their parents) to manage their own lives.
They don't trust in the intelligence and order and innate goodness of Life.
They don't trust the cells in their own bodies to do what they were born to do, so they try to control everything else around them.
In short, they don't trust themselves.
So when The Church Lady takes over your body, don’t panic. Just look her straight in the eyes and ask:
“Whose business are you in?"
(I can guarantee this will silence her for a second.)
When that happens, wrap your arms around her and give her a big squeeze.
She's not bad, you know.
She's just a little confused.
Sending you so much love,
PS. To read Byron Katie's own words on the subject, click here:
If you've been exhausting yourself trying to control circumstances (or other people) and you'd like to find out more about coaching with me, Click here to book your complimentary (30 minute) Kelli Consultation. All Control Freaks welcome!