TALKtoTREE

the blog

  • Kelli Younglove

The Wrecking Ball


In my previous life as a Design Professional, I worked closely with several Home Builders in my city.

Back then, expansion was the name of the game, which meant I was always a part of something NEW.

It felt great to be out on the construction site, watching the crew build homes from the ground up.

There’s something about that process—the digging of the foundation, the frame rising up from it—that creates a strong sense of possibility.

It was exciting.

And that excitement grew as I helped my clients choose their interior selections.

Each choice was a new beginning—current and fresh—from the paint colours all the way down to the hardwood floors.

NEW! NEW! NEW!

But time goes by, doesn’t it?

Paint colours go out of style. Carpets wear. Grout stains. The hardwood gets scratched. The drapery fades.

Life is relentless that way.

Within a day of possession, the new house already has a few dents in the drywall. Marks on the moulding.

Some people flare with anger at this, thinking it shouldn't happen.

They expect Life to move in a straight, tidy line.

But Life moves in seasons. Cycles. Circular motions that include beginnings AND endings.

Over and over and over again.

Think of it as a spiral staircase, going around and around, while also leading you to a higher level.

Of course, this doesn't make any sense to a mind that's stuck in left-brain thinking.

The left hemisphere can only reason sequentially.

Which is why so many of us are fighting with reality, insisting it should be different than it is.

But have you noticed that this only makes the hard things harder?

When we accept the natural rhythms of Life, we begin to move in harmony with all the other moving parts.

When things get dirty, we clean them. When they break, we fix or replace them. When they end, we grieve and say good-bye.

You can hate it or you can love it, but the truth is, nothing can stand the same for ever and ever.

Everything’s meant to evolve and shift and change.


At some point, the old must give way to the new.

In the construction industry, wrecking balls are brought in to speed up the process.

Life uses them too.

Not surprisingly, most of my coaching clients show up in my experience because the wrecking ball has shown up in theirs.

And while I certainly feel empathy for what they're going through, I never see it as the horror or tragedy they often do.

I know, from personal experience, that wrecking balls are harbingers of new life—a sign that something good (something really, REALLY good) is trying to be born.

Most people don't want to hear this.

They want me to help stop the demolition so things can return to the way they were.

But that would be like pushing the baby back into the birth canal simply because the mother wants the labour pains to stop.

As a consciousness coach, it's my job to help my clients manage their pain and fear during a necessary ending, so they can receive the gift that Life's trying to give them.

This usually means challenging their interpretations of what's happening.

Because each one of them thinks they did something wrong.

Why is this happening? What did I do to deserve this?

They see their circumstances as some kind of punishment.

I've done this too.

And while it's completely irrational, it's also the norm.

Most of our society is still caught up in a destructive binary thinking style that only leaves room for two options.

There's only right and wrong. Good and bad. Either/Or.

If something isn't going the way we want it to, (or imagined it would) the binary mind immediately labels it as NEGATIVE. And that's when we start fighting against the flow.

This type of limited thinking creates a polarity of extremes and then blindly ignores all the possibilities in between.

And there's something else lurking in the shadows . . .

An unexamined dichotomy that most of us have carried into our adulthood without even realizing it.

Even if you didn't have a religious upbringing, western society was created from an old Christian blueprint.

If you're good (very, very good) you'll be safe.

But if you're bad?

Fire and Brimstone.

It sounds silly, I know. But the minute a crisis hits, we almost always end up projecting our childhood conditioning onto our reality or idea of "God".

Instantly we're victims of circumstance instead of partners with Life.

Instead of feeling like adults who are capable of working with WHAT IS, we're reduced to naughty children who need to find favour with a higher power, hoping it will intervene on our behalf.

But what if—even in the most unpleasant circumstances—nothing has really gone wrong?​

What if Life was actually working FOR you?​

Are you horrified by this idea?

Well, I'm not speaking from an idealistic, dreamy, wishful place.

I've been there, dear friend. I know the wrecking ball personally.

I’ve created some beautiful things in my life—relationships, opportunity, income, adventure—stunning structures that decayed quickly because I couldn’t maintain that vibration of wellbeing and worthiness necessary to keep them thriving and healthy.

Yes, I had a big, open heart. Yes, I was a willing partner with life. Yes, I was doing my inner work.

AND

I was also still mired in old stories of lack and inferiority. I was caught in a belief that my self-esteem was tied to outer success and approval from others.

Everything I created was from an unconscious need to prove myself worthy of love.

When the wrecking ball swung into my life for the third (or fourth) time, I began to understand that it was there to HELP me. Not to hurt me.

I saw that I needed to dismantle old beliefs about what was possible for me so I could create from a place of wholeness, instead of past shame.

Florence Scovel Shinn said it best:

"Man has so long separated himself from his good and his supply through thoughts of separation and lack that sometimes it takes dynamite to dislodge these thoughts from the subconscious."

You know all those false walls you built to keep yourself safe? The ones that block you from real connection and love?

They’ve got to come down.

You know those pretty veneers you put on to hide your childhood wounds?

They've got to come off.

You may want to hang on to that job, or that marriage, or that friendship, or that income, or that lifestyle—but if you hear the sound of the wrecking ball, know this:

Your heart wants something else.

The real you wants to grow into who you were meant to be.

And it's Life's job to facilitate that.

Sometimes, that requires a shattering of your current identity and ideas about security.

I've been there and I'm not going to lie. This kind of change is terrifying.

It hurts in every conceivable way.

But, just like the pain of child-birth, it's temporary.

Life is preparing you for something.

There are skills to be learned and habits of thought to give up.

Whatever illusions are keeping you from experiencing your highest truth, THEY'VE GOT TO GO.

Start thinking of the wrecking ball as a beckoning call.

Because it's really just a signal to come closer to yourself.

It's guidance leading you to something greater.

It's a helper, dear one.

Unwanted, yes. Scary, yes.

But if you pay close attention and allow it to do it's job, you'll come to find (in time) that the wrecking ball is never, ever bad.

Sending you so much love,


PS. If you've had a wrecking ball experience and haven't fully recovered, then the Standing Strong Program may be for you. I'd love to talk to you about the process and how it may help. xo

#PersonalPower #Surrender #BinaryThinking #EmotionalPain #Crisis #Loss #Endings

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