A woman in her fifties recently shared one of her biggest regrets:
Choosing yoga over making love with her super-hot boyfriend.
At the time, they were in their thirties and very much in love.
He'd pull her to him in the morning, but she began pushing him away because it messed up her schedule.
“I was focused on creating my best life,” she told me. "I was just trying to check off all the things I was supposed to do in order to be healthy and happy.
"What sort of things?" I asked.
"Oh, you know . . . meditation, yoga, working out, journaling, breathwork.
I nodded because I did know. LIke her, I also pushed opportunities for connection and intimacy away in order to complete my happiness checklist.
My mind was stuck in either/or thinking, attached to ONE right way of doing things.
Instead of being present to what was showing up in my now-experience (and considering the gift Life was trying to give me) I resisted everything that didn't match up with my plan.
I wasn't thinking creatively, I was thinking compulsively.
I shared this with her.
"I used to try to write my morning pages, make entries in my gratitude journal, and write notes to my inner selves—all before I'd eaten breakfast," I admitted.
The woman laughed. But then her voice filled with regret.
"That man was the love of my life. I was so focused on getting my yoga in that I missed out on some really great lovemaking. And that's crazy! Yoga is all about stretching and breathing and connecting to the body. I could have had ALL that and MORE if I'd just stayed in bed!"
Did you catch that?
Life knows what you want and need, dear one. And it has a thousand different ways to deliver it. Your checklist may be laid out in a straight, linear fashion, but Life doesn't move like that!
When we become rigidly attached to our idea of HOW to achieve "all the things" we end up fighting with the present moment—creating stress, not inner peace.
If you recognize your own pattern here, be gentle. Please know you don't need to abandon your commitments or drop any routine that keeps you sane.
But if "living your best life" has created a tyrannical to-do list, it's time to organize your schedule differently.
Go general!
Create space for everything that matters to you, but keep it simple:
Time for spirit
Time for work
Time to move your body
Time for relationships
Time to rest
Time for play/creativity
Time to be with nature
Time for errands/chores
General categories allow room for flexibility. "Rest" could mean laying down, but it could also mean reading with your child, or cooking, or walking outside.
"Time for spirit" could be 20 minutes of meditation, but it could also be a contemplative walk, a day in the mountains, or writing in your journal.
Allow Life to show you which one of the hundred things on your list is the right one for right now.
In my twenties I used to meditate in a very disciplined way, trying to replicate someone else's idea of high-level spirituality.
I now know I can connect with my inner self while I clean, or walk in nature, or write these posts to you. The voice of love speaks to me all through the day! And when I'm connected to my heart, I can hear it.
You can too.
Although you may need to let go of your fixed idea of what should happen and release the form you think it should take.
Try it sometime.
I have a hunch things will turn out better than you can imagine.
Sending you so much love,
P.S. A lot of us are doing what the experts say we "ought to do" in an attempt to be successful or good. We're getting caught up in doing it right, instead of feeling into what's actually right for US. If you're letting the advice of others replace the wisdom of your inner authority, let's talk! CLICK HERE for a free consultation.